you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
this is an emotional support booty call
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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