taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
