really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
