I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
did i just pee glitter