No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?