This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.