After last night, I could never be a politician.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!