May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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