So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
