I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
