I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
