I wish I only lived at night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
