I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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