The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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