In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
