someone get that fucking seahorse.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
