so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
