this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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