Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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