honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
