I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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