Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
