Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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