you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
