ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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