He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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