I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
