I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
A bitchslap is in order.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
