This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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