Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
