Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
