I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your penis caused this!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
