I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
