no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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