My balls are so social today.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is classic penis vs brain.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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