I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
