Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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