In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
