Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
