you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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