Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
