Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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