just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
