i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
