We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
