I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i need some magic done to my vagina
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
