love makes seman taste better
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
