I'm really into asian looking animals
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
