Sry I called you an 8
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
