its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this beer tastes like vomit already
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
