her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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