why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
