eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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