So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
