She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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