That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
