okay pat passed out under dana's car
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
