Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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