dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
