Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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