she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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