There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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