who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
