he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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