please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
