There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
